Republican

The Apocalyptics

They’re like a heavy metal band. Dress them up in black, put some Goth makeup on them, give them a name like The Apocalyptics, and they’d fit right in with the head-banger crowd. After all, it’s mostly doom and gloom with the Republican candidates, particularly when they start in on foreign policy. The lead singer for a while, Michele Bachmann, loved to croon about the world entering its final days. Bass player Rick Perry has rapped about the threat of Islamic terrorists surging up from Mexico. Lead guitarists Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich have done a duet about going to war with Iran. And in the rhythm section, Rick Santorum, who definitely prefers sticks to carrots, has kept up a steady drumbeat for war with all comers, including China.

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Ten Little Republicans

Ten little Republicans, all in a line,
discussing foreign policy one at a time.
They lambaste Obama as socialist slime
inadvertently refuting intelligent design.

They all agree that the Islamic threat
is even more fearful than the national debt.
They couldn’t tell Shia from Sunni, I’ll bet.
But the sight of an imam sure makes them sweat.

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